This is the end, my beautiful friend, the end.
So, I am about to embark on a new era. My time at my current residence is about to end. Some days, I am overcome with a strange jolt of fear, constricting my vocal cords, and causing convultions throughout my fingertips. No speaking, no writing, just... silence. Which is golden, until you find you can't break it with anything worthwhile.
Other days, I am filled with a sense of purpose. Determination to see this thing through. An education, a piece of paper saying job well done; have a diploma, why don't you?
And then, sometimes... I catch a fleeting glimpse of desperation barreling towards me. Do I truly want to abandon my life here, and attempt the exausting task of re-inventing my roots; providing them with more fertile soil? Then there's nights like tonight, when I think that I can't get out of here fast enough. I want to be under the sky canopy of a fall evening in Virginia, taking a study break and a drag off a cigarette, exhaling into the crisp night air.
I think I want to take my life here with me, in one way or another. I think I need to go, if I am going to make it to graduation.
But mostly, I think I understand now... I understand all about endings. Some are happy, some are sad, and all are inevitable. Some will tear you apart, and some put you back together. Sometimes it's unbearably dragging, and sometimes it's a flash in the pan. And, of course, there's always this:
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
2:09 a.m. - 2001-06-26
Recent entries:
cliffhanger - 2005-11-12
Mary - 2005-02-08
Border - 2004-07-26
Propaganda - 2004-02-20
Lifer - 2003-12-05
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