i recieved an e-mail in my AOL in-box dated the 23rd of this month today.
i don't know what even made me check that in-box... AOL was supposed to have shut my account down a month ago.
this is a portion of what i recieved:
you know...i really have blue balls after seeing your hot ass at the bar tonight...alas,such is life.i hardly feel anymore....i am coming up these days.yeah, i'm coming up sara...I'm tired of jacking my meat and lamenting the loss of my life as i knew it.sometimes i forget who i am,then clarity and strength return. somehow you were part of this awakening .i wished tonight you would find me attractive ,but i was'nt feeling it. " i'm so hot for her, and she's so cold". No, big deal...anyway, i am curious about you. or maybe it's just your raw sex appeal .Doesn't matter,from time to time that happens and theres nothing to it.atoms colliding in space. And besides, i heard you kill and eat your mates or something like that. Anyway,you are very attractive. -nice too?............................................................................(name omitted)
i remember the gentleman who wrote this e-mail; i was introduced; talked with him for about five minutes, lightly treading small talk water. he was nice.
i wonder how this guy got a hold of my AOL e-mail address. i didn't hand it out. i wonder about the persona it presents to the outside observer, and if that is the persona i project to all the beautiful locals in my home grown town.
blue balls? hot ass? kill and eat my mates? raw sex appeal? nice with a question mark? part of me is screaming, unbelieving: this guy must have the wrong girl.
if someone handed me this description, i can honestly say that i probably wouldn't want to come in contact with the woman it describes, unless it was to fullfill an odd sense of curiosity about such a creature. is this me? of course not. is this the way someone else views me? of course.
it is disconcerting, actually. should i tone it down? do i even know how? as far as i am concerned, i was busy indulging in a little playtime at the local neighborhood bar this saturday. carousing with the best of them, smiling; laughing.
hanging with my 'retinue'. my mother affectionately coined that word in reference to the shy (and not so shy) boys who end up sitting with me at the end of the night.
she tells me to be gentle with them; that this isn't california. and these boys are just regular guys. fragile, even. i am careful.
but maybe not careful enough.
i don't think i want to be seen this way. not that i can control such perceptions, nor do i believe it is somehow my responsibility to do so.
it's just that somehow, i feel like a cheap date.
12:53 a.m. - 2001-09-26
Recent entries:
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