The following is a transcription of my written journal I took with me across the country. I keep attempting to flesh these haphazard notes into a cohesive tapestry, but alas... I am staring at the Great Wall of Writer's Block at the moment. Have been for a few days.
The names have been ommited, as well as some of the more personal observations I took the time to write down.
I had something I only semi-jokingly refer to as an epiphany while on my travels... it isn't exactly apparent in these notes, but I will get to recording that here in due time.
Let's start our engines, shall we? ;)
Virginia, 8:40 AM:
J__: Has a girlfriend. L___. Blonde (dyed black) punk chick; tattoos, piercings. 25 year old line cook. I surpassed C___ as the love of his life. He is comforting and distressing, a life I could fall back into, a door I closed creaking open.
K___ is all talk, all mouth, no walk. Timid from fear of dissapointing me. He thinks I am a shooting star; he lays his wishes on me, and I am gone.
M___: Imperfect. Beautiful. Svelte. "You are never coming back", she says. Like in the movies. Love.
A___ and K___: A: Bottocelli. Beauty, summer camp tatoos, drunk in 23 minutes of power. K: More Leo, but still bowing to the queen Capricorn. All is as it should be for the marriage bells.
Kansas, 5:40 PM: B___: is astute. Adores silence in a person. D___: loves watching B___ make me squirm, also enjoys snapping me out of said squirm with a wink and a smile. I can't take much more of this. And we are only 1/2 way through Kansas.
(note: the first part of Kansas was written to be sarcastic; I was in the middle of a fight w/ the two people in question)
Nightime in Kansas: Firefly Kamikaze; my windshield is covered in wreckage. Seperation; everything sealed shut. Vaccum of time and thoughts, and still life of seedlings. Pitch a tent. Moonlight. Blood on the moon, wavering and reappearing with the transient wisps of clouds. Fitful sleep, B___'s face blurry and alabaster in the bluelit shadows of our tent. D___ snoring, wristwatch dutifully beeping on the hour. B___ breathing heavy, or not at all. Watching them sleep... that is my favorite part of nightime in any state.
Colorado, 4:02 PM: Change; subtle. Can't tell if it's good or bad. Maybe it's neither. Busy establishing my place between the obelisk Kansas sky, and the stoic Colorado Mountains. M___: might always be alone. Fucked up. I might always be alone, too. But that wouldn't be so bad, in Colorado. B___: Intruiging. Puzzle pieces coming together across the country. Perfect mouth. Ice cubes slide in; I am jealous. I can barely watch. D___ and B___ parallel me and M___. Opposite ends of the field, waiting for the kickoff. D___: Blue eyed scoundrel. Irish charm and dimples. M___ and him must have been intense.
Wyoming, 12:11 PM: Snow on the mountains, a kodak moment. Hands brushing suede. Wind whipping 362 days a year. B___ driving, all stubble and sunglasses. D___ says, "East coasters don't understand what's going on, what it's like out here." The view from my window tells me he is right. Blue skies. I sit waiting for a contact buzz from an elbow.
Wyoming, 3:00 PM: Beef jerky: the bane of my fucking existence right now. I swear the fact that D___ is on this trip is the only thing stopping my from making a royal ass out of myself. B___ knows. Pointless. The view is beautiful, both out my window and directly next to me, but I will be relieved to get back to San Diego. The look but don't touch atmosphere surrounding me is mouthwateringly frustrating. Kind of like the beef jerky.
(note: now that I am back in SD, I completely remember why I am a vegetarian. And as for any metaphors that one might infer from the paragraphs above and below, well... you just had to be there. and you would have marveled at my self control. ;)
Wyoming, 3:45 PM: This state is rapidly becoming an imaginary 9 and a 1/2 Weeks utilizing beef jerky and 35 cent soft serve ice cream cones. I now possess a raging case of envy for anything that B___ decided he wants to wrap his mouth around. God, will Wyoming ever end??
Utah, 6:15 PM: Utah. Languid, slow. Salt, sand wind whipping (still) my hair into dreds. The mountains look tired; so does B___. Water on both sides of the highway... glare, glare, everywhere. Silence. My foot keeps falling asleep. Hazy afterglow of fog burn.
Nevada, 7:38 AM: Shrubbery, reaching the pinnacle of it's potential, launched a fully blown allergy attack my way yesterday evening. Nevada was hell incarnate for four hours between the setting sun and the moonlight. Lean clouds on a desert sky, glorified rocks emulate mountains. Last night: Silver Dollar Saloon (DJ on Fridays), wanting to get drunk. Let the boys sleep it off for me... D___, angry and wide-eyed in the twilight falling. "You are childish, we have nothing in common. B___, a year younger than you, thinks exactly like I do. He is above you."
Thinking of letting the punishment fit the crime: Strapping D___ into the backseat of a five day roadtrip with M___ and I. Bliss for me, understanding for him. Nostalgia for my tent days already beginning to drift in. Certain connections forged within. Unspoken, no breath or life outside tent walls. Stay that way. Happy Globalgasm, cheshire cat smile, B___'s knees pressing against me. Later: flashes of a mouth innocent and unconsciously pursed in sleep. Drain my willpower with the simple act of closing my eyes. Tent crunching, shifting. Something... pulsing. Then onto dreams.
Nevada, 8:00 AM: Memory of chess on a picnic table. "I am the working man's pin up girl", I told him. "I would have been the hit of that bar, B___; you don't even know." Eyebrows raised, bemused expression, puts me in check. "I know. That's what I was afraid of."
Nevada, 8:49 AM: Nevada granting me time to write. Tapestry of a story I can't wait to flesh out. Most people never get to cross the country with the likes of these two. My boys, five days of me and the boys. Kiss it goodbye.
California, 6:00 PM: Back. Timing belt on car shredded. Bobo: Mr. Fix-It, napping in-between. Ash: Logan referring to her toes as possessing 'toe chub'. "Don't talk smack!", she says. Impish smiles all around.
~~~Fin~~~
I do love my life, reguardless of where it may be occuring. The people I live with taught me as much. Thank you.
5:24 p.m. - 2001-06-06
Recent entries:
cliffhanger - 2005-11-12
Mary - 2005-02-08
Border - 2004-07-26
Propaganda - 2004-02-20
Lifer - 2003-12-05
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