I judge people. Really, I do. All the damn time. In fact, I am about to do it right now.
To preface: I think that it may have to do with the way I tend to break down the social stratas of this world. Different cultures, and the inherent sub-cultures within, all tend to operate with certain set tenants. I have made a bit of a hobby out of first identifying those tenants, and then seeing how applicable they really are.
For instance, my ex-boyfriend was a skater. Although he very rarely went skateboarding with the fervor that possessed him in his youth, he is still innundated with all the skater's metalities and ethics... mannerisms, musical taste, and style of dress. Not to say that he is truly a stereotype, by any means. But for all intensive, surface value assesments, of course he is.
We are all individuals, but mostly, we can be placed into certain categories, socialogically speaking. Either through the genre of the company we keep: i.e., deadheads, skaters, frat boys, drum and bass crew... or the position we hold within our circle of friends. Another i.e.: alpha male, mysterious loner, communications networker, or life of the party.
Whever I enter a new social situation, I try to figure out what the 'rules' are, so to speak... and who not to cross. There are always a few of those people in any given social situation, as well. The people who wield the power. Or a bit more influence than your average bear, if you know what I mean. Usually, they are nice enough folk, but really, and let's be honest here... you don't want to piss them off, for whatever reason. From a purely humanistic point of view, it's pretty stupid. There could be any and all of the following as a resulting tip of the iceburg: Factioning splits, unecessary drama, gossip galore.
So, my advice to those who are novices in the art of navigating social circles used to be: play dead, baby. If you get into a situation such as the one described above, roll over and show that tummy. It's the easiest way to diffuse tension between an older, more established member of a group and a newcomer. This is a tried and true tactic established long before words like 'courtesy" and 'polite' and 'civil' and 'cordial' were invented, and the concept of social gatherings were still a millenia away. So I have always endorsed it wholeheartedly to others, and utilized it earnestly when situations arose in my own backyard.
Some call it taking the high road. I call it prioritizng. In any case, the reason I am writing this is because I have had a change of heart concerning my methodolgy when dealing with a social situation of this sort.
In short: Fuck taking the high road, if the high road requires me to keep quiet while people disrespect myself and my friends on more than one occasion. Fuck courtesy, if it means putting up with a two faced holier than thou approach from the other party. Fuck propriety, if it is completely insincere. Fuck civility, if none is shown to you, in fact if you are repeatedly slapped in the face with condescension and sneering neatly packaged as such. Why would I (and my self respect) want to reciprocate an empty, fake gesture? I am speaking from experience here, people, of the most personal kind.
I have been slandered, both online and off, directly lied about, my friends have been warned away from me on false pretenses, and even after I leave the state, I can still see the echoes of bitterness and whiny vauge complaints winding their way to me through the ether.
Now, I am fully aware that to each their own, and to the party in question: you are of course, fully entitled to your opinion. But goddamnit, so am I. In the name of not initiating/encouraging/creating any more 'drama' that you so love to accuse me of, I have kept my opinions to myself. Let it be known, however, that I don't start all the bullshit you adore to complain about and appear so above. I never have.
It is you, darling. You who accused me of attempting to steal your boyfriend, you who stated that I was directly propositioning your ex for sex, you who warned another friend that I was trying to steal a certain boy away from her...and all of the aforementioned statements are not true in the slightest. Please stop acting so blase and bored with all the 'drama' of the realhouse crew, and myself in particular, and take a look in the fucking mirror.
I don't know your motivations, and frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn.
Leave your 'good friend' out of this. And don't even think to bring any of my other ex-roomates in. It's not about that, and you know it isn't. Remember that I am not a realhouse roomate anymore, and by the time the disgusting incestuous antics you were railing about occured, I was no longer considered a housemate. So, it's not about your dissapproval of my lifestyle, which, in and of itself, is ludicrous, given some things you have told me about your own. I don't know what it is, but don't dress it up in morally justified Emperor's New Clothes.
Judge me all you want. Judge not only my actions, but assume you know the motivations behind them. You have told me you have several different journals online; a few that no one knows about. So why post your 'moral' speculations on diaryland? I suppose it's because you know that certain people will read it.
But from this point on (and I don't think it will be an issue, really, because I am across the country), please expect a direct response from me. I refuse to be insulted by you.
I hold my head high. Your judgements cannot touch me. If you can say the same about me... then at last, we have reached a true understanding. I sincerely hope this is the case.
Cause really... I am sick of the pettiness, the innuendos, the tired, above it all affectations that you subscribe to in e-mails and journals. Bury the hatchet, darlin'. But first and foremost, recognize that you are holding it.
**rant, rant... i am thinking this won't mean shit tomorrow. :)**
3:09 a.m. - 2001-07-23
Recent entries:
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Mary - 2005-02-08
Border - 2004-07-26
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